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Welcome back to the last day of the hop! I hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves with all the amazing posts! I have truly been thrilled with all the participation and hope I can convince folks to do this on an annual (at least) basis. There is so much misinformation out there, so much that just doesn’t begin to show the realities of BDSM that I’ve been very happy to be part of the hop and hope I’ve done my small part to dispell some of the mess.

Since it is Sunday, I will still post my Sexy Snippet a little later on. But before I do, I wanted to give a little bit more of a personal post about my submission. I’ve talked about bits and pieces, a few of the kinks that I am into, but now I’d like to delve a little deeper into the submissive’s mindset.

Fiction often portrays a submissive, I grant. But unfortunately, there are a lot out there that make it seem like it’s someone who’s been abused or been through trauma and they just need to be controlled a bit and BDSM will “fix” them. Or that they’re someone who just needs a “good Dom” to show them how to live. Vicktor Alexander talks about this a bit in his post for today. (You can go read that here.)

Submission has nothing to do with any of that. Submission, in my not-so-humble-opinion, is about giving up control over certain things, to another individual. Those certain things are negotiated, agreed-upon specific things and nothing more. What those are will be different for almost every submissive out there. There are contracted submissives who give up almost everything. There are some who only hand over control when it comes to being tied up. There are a million different possibilities out there.

What it isn’t is weakness. I believe that submissives are some of the strongest people out there, not the weakest. We know ourselves, understand ourselves in ways very few people do. We know what we need and we understand what will help us get that. It takes a lot of strength to hand over control of ourselves in any way to another person. Strength and trust.

I trust my Sir. We’ve been married going on 12 years now (together for 13) and in those 12 years, we’ve learned a lot about each other. Communication has always been one of our top priorities (we haven’t always succeeded, but that’s a different story for a different time. 😉 ). Because of that, when I found myself seriously interested in doing more than some spanking or tying up, I knew I could go to my hub and say something. That communication has allowed us to explore this.

It also means that when I am feeling off, like I need something more, I can go to him and tell him. I have days were I really need the reassurance that submitting to him can give me and he has yet to let me down in that way. That might mean he simply takes control of everything for a while. It might mean he plans a scene. It might mean something else. After years of communication, thankfully, he doesn’t need to me to be nearly that exact.

Let me be clear there, though, this happens after years of communication. I don’t want any of my readers to think they could (or should) go to a Dom(me) they met yesterday and expect him (or her) to be able to read their minds or anything that silly. Sir and I don’t need to negotiate every tiny aspect of a scene anymore. We’ve been doing this together for long enough that it’s not necessary. He knows what I like, he knows my hard limits, and he can trust that I will use my safeword if I need to. And I can trust he’ll honor that. I’ve only ever needed my safeword a few times (and one of those was in the delivery room with our youngest. THERE’S a story for later. 😉 ). But when I needed it, I used it.

My submission is an ongoing, ever-changing thing. But what that means is that we talk about it, all the time. If I feel that I need somthing a little different, I’ll tell him – outside of a scene – and he’ll listen. If he needs or wants to do something we haven’t done before, he tells me, again, outside of a scene. That’s our negotiation.

It works for us, but only because of how we, as a couple, have been for many years.

This has been more of a personal narrative than anything, but I can only, truly, speak to my experiences within the lifestyle. I can only speak to what know to be true. I’ve seen a lot but I am not in that person’s head, so I can’t tell you what they want, how they do things, or what brought them to that point. But I figure that it’s possible that someone out there has been in a similar situation, so maybe my thoughts can help them.

Remember, in the end, if you want to explore this, there’s a world of possibilities out there. If you keep it safe, sane and always have or give consentthen you’ll do fine. Never let anyone tell you what you “have” to do as a submissive. Never let anyone tell you that you’re not a good “sub” if you “don’t do” something. That’s bullshit. YOU and only you can determine what submission means to you, what you need and what you want out of a scene. If you want to give up all other choice, hand things over to a Dom (and you can trust them!), then that is still consent, it’s still a choice. But don’t let anyone define your submission for you. Only you know what it should be.

This is the last day to leave a comment for the hop and a chance to win one of my Golden Collar books. The original information for the giveaway is here. If you’ve already got them all, we’ll work something out. 😉  I do hope you’ve enjoyed the posts and information and I do hope you will make sure to read the rest of the stuff out on the hop. Head over to the hop page for links to the rest of the posts and enjoy the sexy snippet ahead! Thanks for reading!

SexySnippetSunday

 

From my second Golden Collar novel, Deception:

Bathasar pulled back once more, gray eyes focused on Nadir’s face. “So close, my sweet Nadir, I can see it. Just a little farther… yes….” Nadir made a sound halfway between a plea and a whimper, his body so on edge. Trained as the slaves were, he couldn’t go over the edge without being commanded to. And something told him he wouldn’t be given the command—not here, at least, in the public hall.

But he couldn’t stop himself from uttering the whines that sounded damned near like begging. Teman switched tactics, mouth moving to his balls. His friend took one in, sucking on it, and Nadir got even closer to the precipice. Teman moved to the other, giving it the same, then back to his cock. Then, a moment later, when Teman sucked on the tip of his cock again at the same time Cyrus tweaked both of his nipples, he hit the wall that was the lock on his orgasm. He let a cry out he couldn’t stop, his back arching hard, hand fisting around silk in a death grip.

And then it stopped. The mouths were gone, the stimulation vanished. He shuddered almost violently, the arousal still razor-sharp, his cock red, hard, and swollen, filling the snake to near overflowing.

“So beautiful. You’ve pleased me very well, my sweet Nadir,” Bathasar crooned in his ear. Bathasar’s arms went around him and cradled him as Nadir worked to get a grip on his sanity. His entire body was a live nerve, every tiny touch making it worse. Bathasar continued to speak soft words of praise in his ear, and eventually, he started to calm down.

The arousal faded, but only so far as he wasn’t on the edge of orgasm anymore. As his breathing slowed, Bathasar leaned back and kissed him on the forehead. “You have done so beautifully. Now, I need you to sit up. It is time to eat,” he said, doing so himself. Bathasar helped Nadir move, and Nadir glanced down to see how red his cock really was. His balls were tight, still wanting to release, and as he moved, the light chains did as well, teasing his still over-sensitive skin.

* * *

Remember, tell me what your thoughts on submission are, a question about it, etc. and you’ll have a chance to win Deception. Thanks for joining me for the hop and happy reading!

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